The Third Testament Discovered!

By David Hobbs

Have you heard about the Third Testament Theory? It holds that there was a third Testament produced around the time of Constantine. Scholars call it “The Gamma Testament,” Gamma being the third letter of the Greek alphabet. No manuscripts have been found, which has led some to debunk the theory. What is the proof then of its existence? * * * * *It is really no different than the source “Q”—which most scholars believe existed and furnished some of the material for the synoptic gospels of Matthew and Luke—though no manuscripts have ever been found. * * * * *This Gamma Testament theory sprang out of the difficulty of reconciling modern American church practices with the New Testament. For instance, where in the New Testament does Jesus or any of the canonical writers command the church to build church buildings? Yet they have been faithfully built, even huge cathedrals and basilicas. How did the church know to do this? Would they just take it upon themselves, in spite of the fact the N.T. Christians met from house to house? * * * * *How about the building of steeples on top of the churches? Where did that come from? And how about the wearing of special robes like choir robes and vestments? Where was that commanded? Scholars have puzzled over these things for years as they’ve become so pervasive they practically define Christianity in America. * * * * *And how about the church service itself? From the ubiquitous Mass in Catholicism and the high church to the standardized services most protestant churches follow—where did they originate? Certainly not the New Testament. * * * * *In the New Testament there was one church per city—“The church at Ephesus” etc., now there are hundreds of churches of all different denominations in even moderate-sized towns. And speaking of denominations, where did Jesus or Paul command that? * * * * *I could go on and on. How about evangelizing? From what book of the New Testament did the “4 Spiritual Laws” come from? Where did the disciples demand the lost to “ask Jesus into your hearts?”* * * * *And surprisingly, some of the things the New Testament church did clearly do are now condemned by American Christianity—things like the baptism in the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues, the spiritual gifts of 1 Corinthians 12, faith healing, casting out demons, and the like. These practices, instead of being routinely followed as in New Testament days, are now identified as “works of hell” in some modern churches. * * * * *For years I have struggled trying to understand these gigantic contradictions, but now, with the discovery of the Gamma Testament, it all makes perfect sense, sort of. * * * * *You see, Jesus came and delivered this third Testament about the time of Constantine to give the church more clarity about its practices. “I made kind of a mistake,” the Preface to this Gamma Testament starts out, “by speaking too much of eternal things while I was on the earth—like loving your neighbor as yourself and seeking first the Kingdom of God— and giving short shrift to other topics, especially how to conduct your day-to-day affairs in your churches.* * * * *“At the same time I realized I was being too hard on the devil, by giving you all that power to cast demons out of people, to heal diseases, to give supernatural words of knowledge and wisdom, and power to do miracles. Sure I want the devil defeated as much as anyone, but we have to give him a decent shake.* * * * *"So I’m withdrawing the power of the Holy Spirit. People will no longer be translated from place to place like Philip was, my angels will no longer direct your affairs or give supernatural deliverances like in Acts 12:7, and there will not be the supernatural gifts of the Spirit functioning as spoken of in 1 Cor. 12. (I know not all churches will get this word, and some will still try and function in these things, but let grace cover their 'multitude of sins'!)* * * * *“At the same time I will greatly expand you in the areas of church meetings, church buildings and church government, so you will have things to keep you occupied, since you won’t be out exercising the gifts and evangelizing the world. (And instead of confirming the word you do preach with supernatural signs following like in Mark 16:20, I will give you new tools of evangelism like the “The 4 Spiritual Laws,” Billy Graham Crusades, and Evangelism Explosion. It’ll all work out, you’ll see). * * * * *“However, to save the Apostle Paul and other New Testament writers from possible embarrassment, I command you to keep this Gamma Testament secret. High church leaders can refer to it from time to time to keep the churches on track, but it is not for general dissemination to the church as a whole, lest Paul and the others feel disrespected and contradicted. Like I said, it wasn’t their fault—they only said what I told them to say at the time. * * * * *But I’ve had more opportunity to think and reflect up here in heaven, and I think in the pressure of all that was going on on earth then… I got some of my emphases wrong. And satan has been complaining that I didn’t give him a fighting chance, so I feel bad about that too. So hopefully these changes will straighten everything out. If not I might be back with a Fourth Testament (or I might just let you muddle through).” * * * * *
Then follows the text of the Testament itself, where these and other practices are spelled out in more detail.* * * * *I’m glad this Gamma Testament has been discovered. It clears up a lot of confusion and so many questions. And though it doesn’t adequately explain how some have gotten off the reservation from time to time and started massive revivals, we can be thankful that sanity eventually prevailed in these situations and brought everything back to the normal as expounded in this new book. * * * * *I wish this Gamma Testament could be disseminated more widely (which is what I’m trying to do here). What a great relief it brings us in the American church. See, we’re not backslidden after all; we’re just following the canards of the Gamma Gospel!